I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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