The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I intend to get homeless drunk
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
There's even glitter on my cock...
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