Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
