Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
