after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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