Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
smell my finger.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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