I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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