I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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