My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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