Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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