I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
