Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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