I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
