She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
