o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
