My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's rum buckets o'clock
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
