just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
