So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
barbara walters just said penis...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My vagina is officially offended.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
