He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
why is half of my head shaved?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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