One girl and one boy is just not enough.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
