i was born a porn star she said
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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