Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
