hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
