his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
