I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
