never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
