dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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