Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
