You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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