walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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