My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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