Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
