I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
