so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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