i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
