Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
