I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
