she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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