By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
