i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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