i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize