We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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