Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
