omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize