I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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