now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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