"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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