okay pat passed out under dana's car
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
