he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
