I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
