I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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