It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
