My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
