I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
