if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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