she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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