Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
